By: Zach Brendza | Features Editor 
Miley Cyrus
This may be the easiest topic to write about in recent music news but … come on. At Sunday’s annual MTV VMAs (Video Music Awards), Miley Cyrus did some things. She “twerked” a few times in the early stages of her performance. Then, the real action began. In the transition from her performance to Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines,” Cyrus strips off what I can only describe as a furry bear unitard down to a nude bikini. Throughout Thicke’s performance, she proceeds to inappropriately touch him with a foam finger (watch the video) and vigorously twerk directly onto the 36-year-old father. (watch the video).
Keep in mind that I’m describing the interaction as mildly as I can. Call it a Duquesne-able retelling. Cyrus has already been extensively scrutinized for her performance Sunday, but for good reason. The rating given to the VMAs was TV-14, and even with discretion given to younger audiences, that probably wasn’t enough. I’m torn between two reasons for the nature of her performance: she either wanted to stand out at the award show or she was prodded into doing it from other people. I’m going to hope it’s the former. Either way, if she or whoever gave her the idea thinks that would make her stand out, they were right. But in no way was that a good thing.
Parahoy!
You know that band that did the song “Misery Business?” The same band that had a couple songs in the Twilight series? Yeah, they’re going on a cruise and you can go with them. Parahoy!, a four day cruise taking place March 7 through 11, 2014, will set sail from Miami to Great Stirrup Cay, Paramore’s “own private island.” Prices start at $650 per person, according to parahoy.com, and includes two Paramore shows on the pool deck, activities and Q&A with the band, an autographed commemorative cruise print, dozens of concert by other bands (including Tegan and Sara) and much, much more.
Alright. So this seems pretty cool on one hand and on the other, an act of desperation. The concept seems appealing, especially if you like Paramore and going on cruises. But from the flip side, the offer seems more like a last ditch gimmick to prove their relevance. I guess you can take it for what it is: a four day cruise with Hayley Williams in a tropical climate. Sign me up.
Fest 12
I have many favorite phrases. Namaste. Go big or go home. And of course, everybody wang chung tonight. Go big or go home applies best to Fest 12. Fest, for the first 11 years of its existence, was a two day music festival in Gainesville, Fla. This year, it’s four days and 300 bands, featuring Braid, Polar Bear Club, Lucero, Pentimento, Cross My Heart, Tim Kasher (of Cursive), Modern Baseball and so many more. This year, it’s over Halloween. Sa-weet.
Fest 12 will go down Oct. 31 through Nov. 3 in 10 venues, featuring hundreds of bands. Not to mention the “Pre-Fest’ this year, happening Oct. 29-30, with 100 bands, 6 stages in 5 different venues. Fest tickets are at the $130 tier right now.
Like I said, go big or go home.
Out This Week
Avenged Sevenfold — Hail to the King
Big Sean – Hall of Fame
Franz Ferdinand — Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action
Juicy J – Stay Trippy
Reverse The Curse — Existent
On the Horizon
9/6 – Darius Rucker @ Stage AE
9/7 – Thrival innovation and music festival, featuring Frightened Rabbits @ Bakery Square
9/8 Michael Franti and Spearhead w/ Kopecky Family Band and Michael Bernard @ Carnegie Library Music Hall
Just Announced
9/28 Never Shout Never w/ Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and Maps & Atlases @ St. Vincent College
